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Gosh It's been a rough year!

January 1, 2019

 I could not be more ready for 2019. The year of 2018 was a terrible rollercoaster ride that has left me bumped bruised and recovering. It plum nearly took my head off, honestly.

 

Going into 2018 I was a newlywed who had just moved back to Alabama, started a new job and had some, what I thought (and still think) were mostly newly married bumps at that time. I did not know the depth of the pain and dishonesty. I was planning my future with him. I was excited to be a wife & learning to integrate the dogs and my life with my partner. I was hopeful and frustrated. I had no idea what 2018 would have brought. 

 

2018 forced me to look at myself; it brought me to my knees. I lived in strangers, now friends, homes for a third of the year. They were kind, compassionate, generous to a fault and angry for me (when I didn't have the capacity to be). It is such a humbling place to be when you are dependent on people you barely know and they show you more honesty, love and kindness than the person who committed their life to you. It moved my heart and aided me in making the tough decisions that were unpleasant but necessary. 

 

2018 had 3 distinct acts with very different themes. First it was the married part. I moved out in April, filed for divorce in May. This was an emotionally unstable and unsafe all around time. The second part was transition where I stayed in two of the most lovely house holds. These provided me with safety and stability. It also provided a little laughter and fun. The last part was the Oregon Tail, the big move and I have spent the final third of the year settling into Oregon and it has been a time of alignment, and healing. 

 

Entering 2019, I am divorced, living in Oregon, at a new job (again), learning to be alone starting over with my gorgeous pup. I am by myself, starting to feel the twing of hope and I am excited to be in control of my life again. I am looking forward to being stable as I get settled in (again). This new place is full of things to do and adventures to be had. I am again making plans for my future life, making decisions of what I want that to be.  I have found Oregon to be a hard place to make friends. I am not anti-social, I've joined groups, a gym, initiate at work, but it is slow going. I am looking for individuals that are healthy, honest, driven, kind and full of love. I have come to a place where I am living in alignment with my values. They are not barrowed or implanted from a church, society or belief system as I had previously done deceptively thinking they belonged to me. I have ownership of them. I am actively choosing to live them. I have interweaved living tiny, healthy, honestly and kind into the fabric of my life here. 

 

Oregon, it is not someplace I had ever planned on living. It was always the distant neighbor to Washington. I had known the eastern part as a desert. I didn't want to be there. The neighbor you passed through or by on the road to someplace else. It came up in the options of employment in last spring. I had applied everywhere in a desperate attempt to gain some control. It was a toss up between Oregon and Alaska. I am so glad it was Oregon that won out. It so far has been a place of healing, and exploration. I love living here. I am close to the ocean, close to the mountains, and close to a city (without really living in it). Much of Oregon is rural. It is not hard for me to see the stars at night. Oregon is full of innovation, living as you want, being green. All of the things I value and have/ want to integrate into my life. I am able to live small, learn Krav Maga, do dog stuff, just generally enjoy life! :)) 

 

2019 will be an adventure. It will be a time of continued healing and building as I move forward from 2018. I am looking forward to it! 

 

I am not usually one for new years resolutions.. I make resolutions as they are needed in my life throughout the calendar year. I do think that the new year does bring a wave of new beginnings. I am looking forward to this start.

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